Speek Good Engrish Campaign

By • Jul 24th, 2007 • Category: The Bitch

My chichi aunt from London will have you know that my English is atrocious. Ling, speaking Singlish is fine, it’s our heritage, but bless your soul for speaking bad English.

Auntie Judy, this one is for you. I’m not that bad now, am I?

I recognize that I do have a significant amount of readers who are not from Singapore. Please allow me to translate the above video for you, according to first-mentioned-in-video basis.

What he said: They airsureli put me in on top of the list.
What he meant: They have placed me on top of the list.

What he said: Without the nose, you’re nothing.
What he meant: As a result of your use of plastic surgery, you therefore cannot be considered beautiful.

What he said: You are just dust. You are just dusty, ok?
What he meant: You are like dirt on my left shoe.

What he said: Purr-verted
What he meant: Perverted

What he said: What’s the ploblem, dude?
What he meant: What’s the problem, lady?

What he said: You sarks, you sarks, you sarks.
What he meant: You suck, you suck, you suck.

Oh my god, this one cracked me up so bad.
What he said: You are really a big chicken pie.
What he meant: (let’s give him the benefit of the doubt here, shall we) You are really a big chicken pie.

What he said: You are really ridicurous.
What he means: You are really ridiculous.

What he said: She is one of the top brogger in Singapore.
What he means: She is one of the top blogger in Singapore.

Let me provide everyone an update on the local blogging scene (yes, I’m happy being a patriotic observer). Steven Lim was labeled by Xiaxue as one of the Top Seven Most Disgusting Bloggers (in the Singapore blogosphere) and our former Orchard Road Eyebrow Plucker decided to retaliate on Youtube.com. I wish he had consulted a copywriter on his script. Sheesh. And yes, I’m extremely relieved I’m not worthy to be part of Xiaxue’s list.

And hey, guess what? Multi-talented Steven Lim has his own talent agency! I beg you, please check out his freelance models. You can even get a UOB Personal Banker “posing pretty like a Jap girl” or a cashier “so adorable that you wanna squeeze her cheek”.

Excuse me now, think my chicken pie is ready.

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10 Responses »

  1. This video made me cringe so much, I don’t think I could watch it again. It’s not the singlish that bothers me coz even though I’ve no idea how degrading calling someone a ‘big chicken pie’ is, it kinda sounds funny. The attitude of that bloke however, is appalling, and really quite annoying.

    His singlish, may i say, is extremely dusty.

  2. Hah. I think I will trust my better judgement and not hit play.

  3. No shit…..

  4. ROTFL. Jody would love this.

  5. Had the misfortune to meet Mr. I’m-so-hot-(not) Steven Lim not just once, but on three separate occasions. And boy, the man has seriously awful skin — he really ought to exfoliate more — his face’s a veritable colony of white and black heads waiting to burst forth and conquer the known world.

    Anyway, here’s something that came up over dinner at pratashop near the office:

    How come mamashop also sell papadom one, har?

    Lemme know if you have a good answer to that. My wits, if there were any in the first place, are happily on vacation by de Nile, at de Egypt.

  6. Wren, your Singlish, my dear, is pretty dusty too. See you soon in London! Better you cook me a nice bowl of mushroom soup! The homemade kind you do. It’s been a while. I deserve a damn bowl.

  7. w., awww, you should click play, and join the rest of the nation cringing away.

  8. vicki, Jody has already seen this! Hahaha.

  9. pee, let me attempt to end your misery:

    Because you need mama and papa to make mini-m*t(rhymes with ‘mart’).

    Correct?

  10. minimart? minimutt? hmmmkay.

Say something.