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Do you remember that repressive guy from high school with a face so hideous it should’ve been a criminal offence? Obnoxiously unbearable and not to mention, delusional, his conversational proficiency makes George Bush charming. Self-righteous to a degree that would’ve made a Christian evangelist blush, he thinks he is God’s gift to humanity. In short, he is the loser who ate alone in the canteen.  The one no one wants to be associated with. The guy who dates his right hand.

Front page and blog entry images courtesy of Hollywud Babylon

Unlike high school, Social Media is a fairly democratic realm. As long as you know how to type, you’re given the chance to have your voice heard. It doesn’t matter if you can’t even piece a sentence together properly in real life. By default, Social Media disregards your social intelligence. She doesn’t care if you are socially handicapped in the real world. She doesn’t believe in meritocracy – unlike the real world where if one wants to criticize, he’d be sure to have the goods to back it up. Most importantly, she is the greatest custodian of Freedom.

Suddenly, the guy who dates his right hand has hope. Or does he?

While I wasn’t quite the guy who dates his right hand back in high school, I wasn’t the most popular kid neither. I was the drifter who got along well with everyone, but didn’t belong to any clique. I suppose even at that age, I had commitment issues.

Much to my surprise, I got along pretty well with the guy who dates his right hand. I recalled him being highly irritable, but I realized then that the irritation was caused from our different values and perspectives. His mother told him he would be the President of the country. My mother, on the other hand, pre-empted our family lawyer that I had the potential of landing myself in jail. There you go, never set your kid’s expectations too high. They might get severely delusional. And destructive too, if no one bitch-slaps them in time.

I see a lot of guys who date their right hands in the Social Media realm. They have the following behaviourial pattern, or so I’ve noticed:

• They follow your life passionately online, be it through your blog, Twitter, Facebook and whatnot… more closely than your mother can be arsed to do so.

• They share with you generously on what they think you should be blogging about, tweeting about, and offer their 2-dollars’ worth on your party photographs you had published on Facebook. They do honestly think that they are being helpful.

• They get extremely hurt when you ignore their messages. It makes them feel as though they were back in high school again.

• They unfollow you, hoping you’d miss their presence. Unfortunately, you didn’t notice their absence because you were too preoccupied enjoying your offline life.

• They grow progressively angry with each day that goes by with you not asking them why they’ve unfollowed you. They explode when you fail to accept their re-request to “add as a friend”.

Here’s where it gets interesting. Unlike the real world, Social Media allows anonymity, which inevitably encourages cowardice. In the real world, the guy who dates his right hand would’ve served his sentence quietly alone in the canteen until he graduated. Fortunately for him, Social Media provides the opportunity to seek revenge with full anonymity. If only he understands the concept of courage.

I have had my fair share of trolls, and quite frankly, I find it more amusing than anything else. In the same way I pitied the guy who dates his right hand back in high school, I feel the same for these trolls. I do entertain them once in a while, when I’m in the mood, but more often than not, I let them be. After all, I’m not the one dating my right hand.

For those who find themselves attacked by trolls, here’s a tip – ignore them like you have always done so in high school. You must understand that for anyone who has been socially deprived since they were born, they crave for attention more than they do for food. Silence is your best weapon. Nothing kills them better than to be ignored.