What Pastor Rony Tan of Lighthouse Evangelism thinks about gays and lesbians from Kenneth Tan on Vimeo.

I’ll leave you to tell me how you, both my straight and gay readers, to tell me how you feel about this video. Meanwhile, I’m curious to know what the higher authority thinks. We know its not ok to make insensitive comments about Buddhism… how about homosexuals?

Via: Kennethism

Something about Asians and karaoke. Something about Singaporeans and karaoke. Something about Lesbians and karaoke. No thanks to my inability to hold a tune without waking the Dead, I haven’t got a single ounce of interest in what appears to be the national pastime for Singaporean lesbians. Or at least, a fair amount of them.

If you’re not schmoozing away at a lesbian party sweating buckets like Jane Fonda, you’re likely to be making love to your microphone at a lesbian karaoke bar. No, I don’t get the phenomenon neither, but I’ve been to enough lesbian bars to be able to present this list to you. Ladies and gentlemen, may I introduce to you, the top 10 songs you’re most likely to hear at a lesbian karaoke bar.

1. Love Me by Colin Raye
Gay boys have Cher, and well, sadly enough, us lesbians have Colin Raye. This is our official national anthem.  No, I don’t know why. But every lesbian I know knows this song to heart like the other national anthem. I’m guilty as charged.

2. I’ve Never Been to Me by Charlene

3. Superwoman by Karen White
Mostly sung by passive feminine lesbians with scary fat lesbian lawyers for girlfriends.

4. Ocean Deep by Cliff Richard
Mostly sung by scary fat lesbian lawyers. Usually over a bottle of whisky. During the chorus, the fat lesbian lawyer singing will turn emo and place her hand over the shoulder of her woman.

5. Sometimes When We Touch by Dan Hill
Key word: Sometimes. Lesbians don’t fuck like gay men.

6. ??/ Hou Lai (loosely translated into English: Later) by Rene Liu
I’d admit to this – I was humming this song for the entire week and I still am, no thanks to a visit to our good ol lesbian bar last Saturday.

7. ?? / An Jing (loosely translated into English: Quiet) by Jay Chou
The new national anthem for the emo-generation of lesbians still in their pinafores.

8. That cunt-teasing medley between Sammi Cheng and openly-gay Denise Ho
The title says it all.

9. ? / Zhui (loosely translated into English: Chase) by the late Leslie Cheung
This is MY national anthem and I’m proud of it. A song doesn’t get as dramatic as this.

10. ??/ Bing Yu (loosely translated into English: Ice Rain) by Andy Lau
Because there is always gonna be that lonely butch who has just gotten her heart broken.

My list is based on a sample size of one – me. As such, I wouldn’t recommend you to take it too seriously. Does any fellow lesbian have any more songs to add to this list?

Oh wait, may I add one more? It’s mandatory to my bloodline.

11. Constant Craving by KD Lang

Good riddance to the still-growing little munchkin lesbians under twenty-one years of age. An all new adults-only girls party, LUST, has arrived and it kicks off this coming Sunday, 29 November 2009, at Stereolab. No offence to my younger blankettes reading this, but its not much fun when you’re cracking the brittle bones and feeling old dancing next to some whiney emo-looking Amy Winehouse wannabie with cup A tits. Don’t blame me. Blame me for swinging on the wrong side of my 20s.

The low down

• Non Members Cover: $15 (include 1 drink)
• Members sign in a guest free [ID required]
• Private Party, strictly for ladies & invited boys only
• Table reservations are full
• The first 100 receive a pair of complimentary drink coupons.

And yes, me and me girls will be heading down. See you when I see you.

Gaycakes is a bespoke cake maker whose aim is to make your celebration personal, with a chuckle or two. When the time comes, I want them to be designing my wedding cake.

Image courtesy of illetrikflowz

I could come up with a hundred and one jokes about this lesbian badminton tournament, but I won’t. At least these female shuttlers are keeping themselves fit and healthy. The only exercise I get are my, erm, cardiovascular activities at night. The truth is, I would probably get my ass whipped by these ladies under a single serve.

So here’s me doing my part to keep lesbians fit and helping fat butches lose weight. Take part in this lesbian badminton tournament today, my fellow lesbians. And no, I’m not your information counter. Check with the organisers if you have any questions.

Information extracted from Blackilocks Events.

LADIES DOUBLES BADMINTON TOURNAMENT
Calling all female shuttlers for PinK ElePhanT
doubles badminton tournament for womyn!

Get your muscles going with a day of friendly games
and smash your way to fabulous prizes!

OVER $2, 000 CASH & PRIZES TO BE WON!

28th November 2009 (Sat)
12 noon – 7 pm
Singapore Swimming Club
45 Tanjong Rhu Road, Singapore 436899

Gold Medalists Receive S$150 CASH & S$800 worth of hampers & gifts.
Sliver Medalists Receive S$100 CASH & S$600 worth of hampers & gifts.
Consolation Medalists Receive S$50 CASH & $400 worth of hampers & gifts.

All participation will be closed on 23rd November 2009.
Tickets will be available until the 25th November 2009.

Shuttler Special:
$50 NETT PER PAX

Shuttler fee includes:

• Usage of club’s swimming pool, jacuzzi,
• steamroom & sauna
• referees for each game
• Usage of shuttlecocks
• Court booking fees
• Limited edition towel
• S5 F & B voucher redeemable at SSC

Spectator Special:
$15 NETT PER PAX
Includes S$5 F&B voucher redeemable at SSC

Supporting Partners include Black Tongues Wines, Pink Sofa, Mango Travel, Design Atmosphere Pte Ltd.

Media Partners include Utopia.

FOR ENQUIRIES,
CALL +65 8161-8076. EMAIL: INFO@BLACKILOCKS.COM

Back off! I’m not a donut bumper.

Now you know what to say, when the next scary-looking butch hits on you, my dear straight blankette.

Why do you think you’re here?

The picture-perfect host asked of the contestant.

Because size matters?

I muttered under my breath. There the contestant stood, resembling an over-stuffed pita wrap with loose bits spilling out from all possible corners, on stage during the semi-finals of So You Think You’re Andro III. I did not manage to catch hold of her response for I was promptly interrupted with a squeak of disapproval from over my shoulder.

You so bad! The little munchskin pouted. Ok, so I wasn’t that subtle. But hey, by my standards, being bad is when I make that announcement over the microphone. Boy was that tempting, especially after her dirty dancing demonstration. Watching snails fuck would have been less of a torture.

Take the mic away from me. NOW.

I pleaded (and warned) the three other judges, who were considerably more compassionate than I am, as I watched the dirty dancing in utter horror. The performance was so bad, it was good… in a bad way.

I was invited to be a guest judge in the semi-finals of the event and I’ve given the organisers my word not to make any contestant cry. I don’t think I could’ve restrained myself should the microphone land in my hands at that point.

I don’t think I’m bitchy as much as I reckon I’m just politically handicapped. If you’re fat, I’ll say you’re fat. If you look like you’ve just knocked down by a bus, I’ll say you look like you’ve just knocked down by a bus. Not by a bicycle. Not by a train. But by a bus. I say things like I see them. Not everyone can handle the truth, I realise. Which is why I made sure I never got hold of the microphone. That’s me trying to be nice, aight?

That explains why I have yet to mention her name – and I won’t. Consider this a value-add.

It has been fun being a guest judge, and it was pleasantly enjoyable and extremely entertaining – the skits the contestants were involved in were fab although I haven’t got a fucking clue what shuffling meant. I can’t say I remember all of them – they began to look alike after 60 seconds but one particular contestant did manage to break through the clutter and capture my attention.

Yes I’m being dramatic. After all, I’m talking about lesbians.

Her name was Ching and judging by the reception of the crowd, one needs to be deaf to not realise she was the crowd’s favourite too. Quite rightfully so. She had to perform a skit where she was a waitress and a customer has found a finger in her soup, and she had to convince the customer it was that of a sausage. Given barely seconds to perform the skit after it was revealed to her, she said:

This is a lesbian restaurant. And what do lesbians use (gestures with 2 fingers)? Of course that certainly is not a finger!

Not too bad I thought. Her articulation was a relief given what I’ve heard from the rest, and being quick witted is always charming. God knows how ridiculously slow I am with challenges like that. I’d have such a pregnant pause for a response, the audience would need to wait 9 months before the answer gets delivered!

So, who won the finals people?

Guess who’s going to be a guest judge that night? Heh. Yup… yours truly. I won’t bite, promise. At best, if I’m having a bad day, you’d get some of this. Oh bless the soul of she with a stupid name.

Details as follow.

Dress code: Anything neon (note: I’d be violating the dress code… I have an event that commences just hours before this party)
Members free entry all night (sign in 1 guest)
Cover at door : $15 for non-members
Music policy : RnB / Vocal House
Location : PLAY @ 21 Tanjong Pagar Rd

See you there.

This month’s issue of LOTL is special to me – I penned my first cover story and well, Rebecca’s always such a joy to work with. Grab a copy if you’re in Australia. For all curious, lets just say if all women on the covers of LOTL are indeed lesbians, ugly lesbian lawyers won’t be as miserable as they are right now. Check out our behind-the-scene photographs too.

click to view larger image

I make no apologies for being gay, neither do I think it’s right to rub it in anyone elses’ face. Or to rub anything in one’s face for that matter, unless its a nice pair of boobs.

I’ve never viewed my sexuality as a disability, and let it be known I refuse to think my sexuality is a bigger issue than Humanity itself. There are more battered, abused straight women in my country than there are lesbian bashing. Childish staring fights don’t count, my dear angry lesbians. Chances are, the bloke’s staring at you because you’re ridiculously hideous and fat.

Oh sue me for being truthful.

I’m not much of a whiner as much as I am a do-er. And that’s what I pretty much did for my column on LOTL, Australia’s leading lesbian magazine. The article I wrote was dedicated to Aware Singapore. I was proud of how we stood by together for all women. For all women. I wanted the Aussies to know too. That this little red dot isn’t some fascist state whatsoever. That we do care for each other. For everyone.

140 characters can only do so much, no? Let’s hope that the reason for being doesn’t change.